Some Thoughts On Capitalism

Aug 22, 04:48 PM Carl Miller

Not long ago I paid this old man 50$ to give me a blowjob in a Wal-Mart bathroom. He’d have done the blowjob for free but I figured if some toothless old bastard is going to be gnawing around on my Heyhowareyou then I might as well be able to shop for cheap shoes right after.

After he told me he was done I threw the 50$ into the toilet and told him he’d better fucking shave before next time. Then I smacked him a few times so as he’d know I meant business. You gotta keep these old men in line otherwise in no time they’ll be bellyaching about how they ain’t enough elderly old man representation amongst swimsuit models and then they’ll be wanting medical care and equal pay. Then one day you’ll wake up and there’ll be a parade of elderly old men shuffling up and down the street demanding that they be able to marry each other.

So there I am shopping for some shoes when it suddenly dawns on me that I gave that old man all my money. I begin to walk back to the bathroom because I figure he’s still there curled up in the corner and crying like some sort of sissy. My thought was to explain how his blowjob was most unsatisfactory and I expected my 50$ back.

When I got into the bathroom the old man was standing and looking at himself in the mirror. He looked over at me malevolently.

“Hey,” I said all friendly like. “How’s it going?”

He continued to just stare at me.

I nodded. “Yeah. Look I’m going to need that 50$ back.”

The glaring continued.

“Now don’t argue about it. I think we both know your work was substandard. And it’s not like you have breasts for god’s sake.”

He shook his head and walked past me. I tried not to flinch as he brushed against me slightly, but the dude totally skeeved me out. He muttered that it was still in the toilet so I went over to fish out my money.

But what I saw made me stop short and say, “Fuck’s sake, man. That’s not cool.”

“Yeah,” the old man shouted from the doorway as he pointed an accusing finger at me as if God had revealed to him all my many transgressions against basic human dignity. “That’s right. I took a shit on your money. Fuck you.”

I was left alone then in that Wal-Mart bathroom looking down at all my shitty money. And debating.

Obviously it was a sign from the Magical Super Jew from Outer Space. But what did it mean?

Yank Our Chains

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